


Two Wild And Crazy Guys

by PhilipTmoreHuffman



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:36:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2492993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhilipTmoreHuffman/pseuds/PhilipTmoreHuffman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fandango and Dean Ambrose take Daniel Bryan on a bachelor party he'll never forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Wild And Crazy Guys

Daniel Bryan was perplexed when he opened the door that afternoon to find Dean Ambrose and Fandango at his doorstep, Fandango in a glittery purple outfit, and Dean in his normal leather jacket.  
"Hey, Dean. Hey, Fandango."  
"Nooooooo, no no NO. It's Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaan...DAAAAAA-"  
"Yeah, yeah. Anyway, Bryan, we're here because we heard you were gonna get hitched, and we just wanted to throw you a little bachelor party, a night you'll never forget."  
"That's fine. That's fine. So, when is it?"  
"Whattya mean?"  
"When's the party?"  
"The party just started, duh."  
"I do-"  
Fandango pressed a rag to the nose and mouth of the former WWE World Heavyweight Champion, lulling him into unconsciousness with soft lullabies.

Daniel Bryan woke up in the passenger seat of a car to the sound of Van Halen and the smell of cheeseburgers. Dean Ambrose was driving, drumming on the steering wheel to Hot For Teacher, and getting at most 40% of the words right.  
"What did you do?"  
"Chloroform, obviously."  
"But why did Fandango have chloroform?"  
"Why wouldn't he have chloroform?"

Fandango piped up from the back seat.  
"Hey, Bryan, pass me a tequila from the glovebox, would ya?"  
Bryan turned to Dean, a quizzical look on his face. Dean just stared back at him.  
"What are you waiting for? He asked for a tequila, pass him one!"  
Daniel opened the glove compartment to find it full of tiny bottles of tequila.  
"Do you just steal these off airplanes?"  
The Lunatic Fringe just laughed.  
"No, no no no, They sell these big fuckin' crates of 'em at Costco for like nothin'."  
Bryan, still confused, passed one back to Fandango. He was even more confused when Fandango started pouring the tequila onto himself, and rubbing it in like lotion.  
"What the fuck?"  
"What? I'm the designated driver."  
"THAT DOESN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!"  
"If I don't smell like tequila when we go into the Magic Palace, they're gonna know something's up."  
"But-but what if you get pulled over? Won't smelling like tequila get you in trouble?"  
"Have you even gone to a bachelor party before?"  
Bryan said nothing, and just sank back into his seat.

They finally got to the Magic Palace, and as Dean pulled the owner aside, Fandango guided Bryan to a stageside seat. They took in the dancers and the top hair metal hits of 1986, before a familiar voice piped over the PA.

"ALRIGHT, CUT THE MUSIC, CUT THE MUSIC! I'M HERE TONIGHT FOR A VERY IMPORTANT GUY, SO ALL THE LADIES IN THE BACK, COME OUT AND TAKE A SEAT! I'M ABOUT TO GIVE DANIEL BRYAN A NIGHT HE'LL NEVER FORGET!"

They did so, clearing the stage. The lights went out, and a ear-splitting cacophony filled the room, Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music. A lone spotlight hit the stage, as Dean Ambrose stood, head down and arms spread. He then proceeded to shuffle off his leather jacket, finding some sort of rhythm in the din that battered the ears of every onlooker, before whipping it into the crowd, accompanied by a salacious "Woooooo!" He then teased taking off his plain white undershirt before just grabbing it with both hands and ripping it in half like Hulk Hogan. He mimed hitting the ropes before dropping the leg on the tatters of his shirt and playing to the crowd, cupping his hand to his ear and flexing. He then grabbed his jeans and ripped them of in one fluid motion, snaps in the sides giving way as most of the crowd went wild. Clad in only a thong and his shoes, he then proceeded to give Bryan a lap dance. Bryan had to shout, not only to be heard over the music(though it's debatable whether Metal Machine Music really counts as music), but over the cheering crowd of exotic dancers.  
"WHAT THE HELL, DEAN? I THOUGHT THIS WAS A BACHELOR PARTY, NOT SOME WEIRD...GERMAN...SEX VIDEO!"  
"I SAID IT'D BE A NIGHT YOU'D NEVER FORGET, RIGHT?"

The lapdance ended, Dean collected his clothes, and a phone number or two, from the crowd, and they went back to the car. Dean was still driving.  
"So that's the end of it? That's all you kidnapped me for?"  
"Night's not over yet, buddy. First we gotta hit up the bank."  
"You didn't do that before the strip club?"  
"Ah, I've got a tab."

They parked outside the bank, and Dean and Fandango exited the car. They then stood there.  
"You're comin' with us, buddy."  
"No, I'll stay in here."  
"Wasn't a question."  
Bryan got out reluctantly before having a bandana shoved in his hands by Dean. Fandango was already putting his on.  
"Put it on."  
"Wh-"  
"PUT IT ON."  
Bryan put the bandana on and followed them into the bank. As soon as they entered, Dean hit the security guard with a double-armed DDT as Fandango pulled an Uzi from his vest before addressing the startled patrons in a breathy whisper.  
"Get on the ground, and don't try anything stupid!"

To Be Continued


End file.
